There is no short cut

Recently through a Leslie Cheung site on Facebook, I came to know a guy from Hong Kong. His name is Tin Lau. I found Tin to be a very nice guy after interacting with him for about a week. Our common topic is of course Leslie. Tin had sent me many photos of Leslie over the past one week and I trust that he likes Leslie just as much as I do. It is interesting to me how two total strangers can become friends over internet just like that. This is a sign of the greatness in Leslie. He has the ability to impress millions who, like Tin and myself, are now meeting up to extend his legacy and great spirit.

I recalled on new year's eve of his 1997 concert, Leslie asked a dancer what her wish would be for the new year 1997 and the dancer answered: "不劳而获" meaning "to gain something without having to work hard". Leslie then said to her "这个世界上没有这样一样东西的。" meaning "there is no such thing in this world." and he laughed and moved on to ask the next person for his wish.

This is one example of Leslie's spirit. He is someone who worked hard and was serious about producing quality work. Leslie is a role model more than an idol. He mentored through what he said and did all the time. It is a matter of whether we get it. I didn't get it at first when I came across what he said in his 1997 concert for the first time, but recently when I was feeling run out and had the chance to revisit what he said in his 1997 concert, those words struck me like lightning. I mean Leslie did not make it this far through pure luck. He had the most right mentality of working hard as his foundation. I rather like to take short cut, but he said there is no short cut; there is no substitute for hard work. No wonder he was the most successful Asian artiste of the world.

The importance of self-recognition

For the past two hours or so I managed to rake up so much old memories all about Leslie... It is a dark cold wet winter day today and to me, is basically a day of emotions potpourri.

Of course there are many out there who know Leslie Cheung 哥哥 张国荣 but for readers who do not know Leslie, he is a much respected Hong Kong artiste. You can find hundreds if not thousands of links on Leslie if you google it.

In the past two hours, I had memories of my biological brother and myself growing up with Leslie and his songs. I had memories of my brother happy about Leslie finally releasing new album Beloved 宠爱 after a long time and was among the first to buy it and gave high praise for it. That album was Leslie's first when he signed on with Rock Records 滚石唱片. By the way my brother and I are mature people in case you start to imagine us to be otherwise (such as 'crazy fans'). Listening to Leslie sang again today brought back a lot of childhood memories. But I also had memories of Leslie's impact on my view of life especially after 1995 till now. Whenever I lost myself in this stressful and seemingly meaningless life, I just have to remember what he said before and I can pick myself up again and do well.

There is something about the way Leslie pressed on and brought himself to another higher and higher level that is so admirable. Despite the pressure he faced in the entertainment business, he was able to stay composed and always confident in his ability to deliver. In his words, he reminded me that self-belief is very important. He said that although getting recognition by other people is important, getting self-recognition is in fact the most important. That way, we can always be in control of our life.

The day to day operation can so easily make me forget such great advice. I am glad I found it back again in the last two hours. I guess reminding ourselves to self-believe, self-recognize, self-appreciate, self-love is an important thing that we constantly do. Imagine if we feed on other people's opinions in order to decide how successful or not successful we are in what we do (such as boss' comments, parents' comments, teacher's comments, etc.), we are leaving our fate in their hands instead of ours. If you are good and they say you are not, does it mean you really are not? Do they know you better than yourself? Think about it.

Lastly, I had memories of Leslie visited me, sat down beside me in the living room and without saying a word, only smiling to me from time to time, flipped through a poster collection of himself page by page slowly for about 15 to 20 minutes, then said he would leave the posters behind for me and he left. The sad thing about that was it was as if he visited to say goodbye. Because after that I never saw him again, not in any dream ever since. That was 8 years ago but I could remember it so vividly as if it just happened yesterday. To be honest, if there is a way to know how Leslie is doing now, I wish I know it.

I am glad I thought through things today and came back to senses, but I am sad because I lost Leslie. I feel strong but I also feel weak. I feel this and I feel that. That is why I said today to me is basically a day of emotion potpourri.

Money stress

It is my dad's birthday today. I gave dad a call and we talked for 45 mins. Oh yes it was a long distance call. But don't worry about my phone bill because Vodafone will charge me $2 for a call made to landline overseas for less than an hour. I became aware that dad is concerned about not going to have enough money to pay for his doctor consultation and medicine in the upcoming appointment with the eye specialist. Dad has glucoma. If money is blood, the specialists are like vampires, sucking hard! Every month I will send dad money and it still isn't always enough. Although it will be this time, I'm not feeling too good about the money stress associated with it. What am I going to do if I lose my job? How are my parents going to survive? My brother and sister each has a family with big expenses to manage because they each has two babies. This thing about money can really stress me out sometimes.

I'll make a promise to myself that I'll do all I can to secure this job. If taking care of my parents is a requirement in my life, I'll make sure I'll design my life in such a way it will meet this requirement. If not, my life fails. In life, when there is no choice, what do you do? You embrace the challenge, and you channel all energy into making life work the way you want it to. That, is what you do. That, is what I do.

We are not alone

David is my colleague. We work in the same team. Today I am reminded of his kindness to me at work once again. EEPROM, Duty Cycle, Triac, Relay and their differences, such were the terms I wouldn't have known being a mechanical engineer. And it was David who patiently taught me all of these as I encountered them in my job. He has never been selfish, always sharing his knowledge and opinons on test results with me. Of course I will record it here because I truly appreciate all the help he has been willing to give me. I record so I will not forget. People like David makes my job quite a bit easier. Thanks David if you are reading this.

In life, taking time to recognize people who have done something for us can make us see that although life can be hard going, we are not alone in this. Stop. Look around. Appreciate that someone somewhere is willing to walk this long and windy road together with us, supporting us when we are weak, and taking a rest with us when we need a break. I promise we will then feel the road ahead is not as tough going as it seems anymore. Cheers to all...!

Life is only as hard as you make it to be...

Today my manager had a performance review meeting with me. The outcome did not surprise me: I was graded "OK". I used to get "Very Good" throughout my career life until I came to this company. My manager asked whether I would agree with the grading and that the meeting was the opportunity to voice out. In my mind I said "Of course not! I definitely deserve something better than that!" but in reality I did not object to that "OK" grade. I would, if I was still working in the previous company because I was so well fitted into the whole company setting there and all the efforts I made showed through. However in this setting where a mechanical engineer being hired to work in an electronics/software team and reporting to a manager trained in the field of electronics, I am no better than Robin Hood with his bow and arrows and sword confiscated! With similar effort put in or desire to do well in this job as in the previous one, I can't really shine or stand out here. Although my manager said I am highly efficient and do all my tasks beautifully, I don't show the initiative to do more. He is absolutely right. In fact, I am not confident as well. The reason is simple. It is a wrong fit. Put a penguin into water and it swims like shark, but put a penguin on land and it walks like turtle. Simple as that.

I am better off going back to familiar territory but for the sake of NZ living experience I do not mind making the choice of staying put in this company, minimizing any change to my life in NZ. Afterall my manager is a pretty nice guy and I don't want to work in those other mechanical teams here whose managers I don't really like! In life, we are often posed with difficult choices. Often we are forced to give up this if we choose that. Can't get the best of both worlds. That makes life miserable. It really does! I want NZ more badly now than a career in engineering. So I choose to live my life this way, enduring with the misfit and the "OK" grade in this company setting. Mind you, this isn't an obvious choice at all! But let's face it. Life is all about making choices.

In the past 3 years I have matured yet further. I have always been saying to myself to make my choice carefully. Do it right and life can be very beautiful. Do it wrongly and life can become downright miserable. One more thing. It is also always about how we mentally prepare ourselves for the consequences resulting from the choices we make as well. After coming to NZ and got the first salary review (of 3% increment - lowest ever in my career life!) in this same job, man, I was feeling so darn terrible. I regretted so much joining this company I almost killed myself (only figuratively). I wasn't wise. But I know this will not happen again this time. Why? Because I wise up!

Let me share a phrase that my mentor from New Jersey told me once before: "Life is only as hard as you make it to be.". Brilliant, isn't it? But I couldn't understand this at first. What did he mean? Can we really control our life to be hard or easy at will? Impossible, right? But yes, he is right, we can. Interesting enough? My mentor is right. He is so right. Making a choice and be truly ready for all the consequences it brings is a good example to illustrate what he meant. If we have thought through carefully enough before making a choice and knowing what consequences to expect, we will not be caught by surprise when something unpleasant happens after we made the choice! It is always having unrealistic expectations and not getting them realized that makes one unhappy. My mentor is so right. That is why I am in control today after being graded "OK". I did take the due diligence to think through this thing about life choices and in this case am prepared to take on NZ and not make right the job misfit. So I wasn't expecting an "Excellent" grade for working on those electronics engineers' tasks. And so an "OK" is fine. :)

Remember: Life is only as hard as you make it to be...