Today my manager had a performance review meeting with me. The outcome did not surprise me: I was graded "OK". I used to get "Very Good" throughout my career life until I came to this company. My manager asked whether I would agree with the grading and that the meeting was the opportunity to voice out. In my mind I said "Of course not! I definitely deserve something better than that!" but in reality I did not object to that "OK" grade. I would, if I was still working in the previous company because I was so well fitted into the whole company setting there and all the efforts I made showed through. However in this setting where a mechanical engineer being hired to work in an electronics/software team and reporting to a manager trained in the field of electronics, I am no better than Robin Hood with his bow and arrows and sword confiscated! With similar effort put in or desire to do well in this job as in the previous one, I can't really shine or stand out here. Although my manager said I am highly efficient and do all my tasks beautifully, I don't show the initiative to do more. He is absolutely right. In fact, I am not confident as well. The reason is simple. It is a wrong fit. Put a penguin into water and it swims like shark, but put a penguin on land and it walks like turtle. Simple as that.
I am better off going back to familiar territory but for the sake of NZ living experience I do not mind making the choice of staying put in this company, minimizing any change to my life in NZ. Afterall my manager is a pretty nice guy and I don't want to work in those other mechanical teams here whose managers I don't really like! In life, we are often posed with difficult choices. Often we are forced to give up this if we choose that. Can't get the best of both worlds. That makes life miserable. It really does! I want NZ more badly now than a career in engineering. So I choose to live my life this way, enduring with the misfit and the "OK" grade in this company setting. Mind you, this isn't an obvious choice at all! But let's face it. Life is all about making choices.
In the past 3 years I have matured yet further. I have always been saying to myself to make my choice carefully. Do it right and life can be very beautiful. Do it wrongly and life can become downright miserable. One more thing. It is also always about how we mentally prepare ourselves for the consequences resulting from the choices we make as well. After coming to NZ and got the first salary review (of 3% increment - lowest ever in my career life!) in this same job, man, I was feeling so darn terrible. I regretted so much joining this company I almost killed myself (only figuratively). I wasn't wise. But I know this will not happen again this time. Why? Because I wise up!
Let me share a phrase that my mentor from New Jersey told me once before: "Life is only as hard as you make it to be.". Brilliant, isn't it? But I couldn't understand this at first. What did he mean? Can we really control our life to be hard or easy at will? Impossible, right? But yes, he is right, we can. Interesting enough? My mentor is right. He is so right. Making a choice and be truly ready for all the consequences it brings is a good example to illustrate what he meant. If we have thought through carefully enough before making a choice and knowing what consequences to expect, we will not be caught by surprise when something unpleasant happens after we made the choice! It is always having unrealistic expectations and not getting them realized that makes one unhappy. My mentor is so right. That is why I am in control today after being graded "OK". I did take the due diligence to think through this thing about life choices and in this case am prepared to take on NZ and not make right the job misfit. So I wasn't expecting an "Excellent" grade for working on those electronics engineers' tasks. And so an "OK" is fine. :)
Remember: Life is only as hard as you make it to be...
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